Jon, I don't get it. How do you approach a girl?

Indeed, I get asked this question rather often by friends.

After a while of pondering, and deliberating my thought process, I thought I’d share a portion of my knowledge with you inquisitive men, with help from author Leil Lowndes. Truth be told, I’m not smarter than a lot of you, and I’m certainly not better looking, but I DO know how to approach a woman, start a conversation, hold one and end one. The point to remember is that women are NOT so much visual creatures as we men are. 80% of the time, she doesn’t pay attention to whether you have gelled your hair or not. In short, appearance is NOT the most important thing, unlike what most men believe. What is crucial is the way you carry yourself. Of course, you should not reek or be sweaty etc. I believe that 95% of girls are actually willing to give men a go at themselves, that’s why men need to create a deep and quick impression, or risk her rapidly losing interest. As a man, you have the advantage of “sweet talking”, or I prefer to call it “feeding her inner girl”. Mothers always tell their daughters to beware the man with the sweet tongue – and for perfectly good reason, because girls cannot resist sweet talk.

I shall now discuss HOW a man can (not should mind you) approach a girl.

Guys, I’m sure you’ve seen that beautiful girl across the room, given her the eye, received the compliment then become S T U C K. First and foremost, let me just say that this is totally normal. You’re NOT weird or cowardly, you just don’t know how to approach her.

Step 1: Look for an ornament. Is she wearing anything that attracts your attention? Maybe a necklace, or a bracelet, or a pair of earrings. The majority of girls would like to believe they have good dress/fashion sense. You can start off a conversation by mentioning that she has interesting belt buckle for instance, then carry on by saying why you are fascinated by it, and how it makes her look all the more alluring. But you should not make remarks about how a low cut dress enhances her chest for example because that is too direct, crude and quite frankly, stupid. Keep it clean and charming, and she will be fascinated by how observant you are. Conversely, you can also give potential parties an excuse to talk to you by being a topic of conversation yourself, such as wearing interesting shirts, ties, cuff links etc.

Step 2: You’ve looked and looked and ogled and ogled and you CAN’T FIND ANYTHING INTERESTING on her! Maybe like most guys, you just don’t observe detail. No worries. Be brave and approach the host (if it’s a party) or her friend (when she goes to the bathroom). Most friends will sportingly play along and give you an introduction, and probably leave you two alone. Don’t just ask for her name, say something like this “Hey, this friend of yours looks familiar, I just can’t put a name to her face. And what’s she doing again?” The gist is to milk as much information as you can about her, just enough to start a decent conversation. The friend will probably answer something along these lines “Oh that’s Elizabeth Tan. She’s an accountant.” Then when your girl reappears, you can say something like “Hi you’re Elizabeth right? I heard from your friend you’re an accountant. The economy is doing great, so you must be having a fantastic time right?” and so on, you get the idea.

Step 3: I’d say this is a risky option, or rather, a last ditch, desperate attempt to know that elusive girl. Say, she is talking with a group of people. She isn’t wearing anything interesting, the party host can’t be located, and you can’t isolate any of her friends. What do you do? Go close to the group of friends and listen to what they are talking about. For example, they are talking about exotic holiday locations. Wait for the right opportunity, then edge in and say “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear what you were talking about. I’m actually going to the Cayman Islands next week. Any suggestions?” Sure, it will momentarily stun everyone, but it will definitely put YOU in the conversation, as well as give you the opportunity to talk to her. Remember, people recover much more quickly from shock in a group than when they are by themselves.

These are 3 simple ways that I have used at one point or another in my life to initiate conversation/approach someone I wanted to talk to. I guarantee it works 99% of the time. Furthermore, if you’re able to sustain a proper conversation, you should have no problem getting her number and meeting her up privately over a cup of coffee.

To the girls: Don’t hate me for this. Wouldn’t you rather be approached by educated males, eager to know more about you, than those who just stare at your legs with their mouth open wide? Wouldn’t you rather the man make the first move than yourself? Finally, 99.9% of you succumb to sweet talk whether you are conscious of it or not. Don’t you wish there were more guys who knew how to do it?

Maybe I’ll write on “how to sweet talk” next. In the meantime, guys, have fun practicing. Practice makes perfect.