For the love of human flight

Basketball is the result of man's innate desire to fly.

I love playing basketball. It’s a great way to make friends (especially to develop camaraderie among guys) and get to know new people. Recently, I’ve been playing basketball with my colleagues and enjoying myself tremendously. There’s nothing better than shooting some hoops after a grilling day at work. Occasionally, the odd babe/colleague appearing on the court makes it all the more worthwhile. Guys are guys – we’re all show-offs although in basketball, it can be especially difficult to display your arsenal of skills if you aren’t at all competent in the first place, or the opposition is just too strong. Of course, you can always fall down and pretend to be hurt, although that attracts sympathy (or disgust in some cases) more often than not. Oh, unless you’re bleeding all over due to your “passion” for the game – but that’s still pretty lame.

Here are 10 things I especially hate about basketball players (girls and guys alike)

1. Players who talk a shed load of crap every time they have the ball, such as “nah, you can’t get me” or “c’mon baby, get this ball off me”. Try rejecting him and staring at him, the reaction is priceless I tell you. You’ll shut him up for good.

2. Players who call foul at every and any opportunity. Sure, it’s easy to draw a foul on any opponent, but sometimes calling a foul ALL the time is annoying. I might as well as not defend at all.

3. Players who have their arms all over you whether you have the ball or not. PISS OFF!

4. Players who shout around all over the court. Apparently, some coaches teach that the point guard (playmaker) should holler out instructions to teammates. This is retarded simply because the other team who understands will easily move to cover defensively. It’s not really rocket science is it?

5. Tall players who think they are Yao Ming. They don’t bother to jump when they shoot nor catch a rebound. I just LOVE rejecting such players! Again, the reaction is PRICELESS.

6. Players who play TOO SLOWLY. These players don’t find any openings because they’re just too slow. They pass slowly, run slowly and shoot slowly. Most irritating! DOUBLE UP! The fastest way to scoring is always the best way!

7. Players who play for the sake of impressing (girls) are the most ineffective. Like in real life, where girls are never impressed by guys who try to impress.

8. Players who enjoy falling down/feigning injury. Seriously, it’s quite pathetic!

9. Players who wear pro basketball gear to play 3 on 3 street ball. Nike tank tops, sweatbands, knee pads, Air Jordans, T Macs, Kobes’ and God knows what. No point having expensive gear if you suck as a player. Save the money and buy yourself a portable hoop.

10. Players who ONLY stay within the key, meaning just one metre away from the basket. Guys like Shaq. You know why he’s so good? Because he’s tall, fat and near the basket. How can you EVER be off-form when all you do is dunk and shoot from a metre out?

Actually, I don’t hate anything about female players except that they’re always stressed up when in possession of the ball, forget the rules far too often and scratch me all the time. I can’t defend them too hard because I might hurt them. So I just make do with name-calling and placing my palms on their face. But still, they’re girls and we wouldn’t be able to survive without them. Heh heh…

Isn’t basketball just a fantastic game!!