S.E.X.

I’m so disappointed. We lost today’s basketball match 9-5 after winning 17-7 on Wednesday. Worst is the fact I missed all 3 of shots from beyond the arc. I feel terrible, as if I’ve let the whole team down. We could have won the game damn it. Why didn’t my shots. Why? Why?!?!?! Other than the long gash below my spine, I also have 2 huge haemorrhages on my pinkie and my knee. It hurts like hell. Here they are:

purple pinky

purple knee with hair... lots

Tonight and Saturday morning I will be practicing at the old NIE at Bukit Timah. I don’t care if I drop dead halfway. I play to entertain and to win and I did neither today.

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Sex & Virginity

Last weekend, Cassandra requested I expound on this topic for her. Therefore, after nearly a week of contemplation, mind mapping and De Bono’s hat theory, I have finally emerged with my stand. This is MY stand and may not be necessarily what you believe. Don’t get offended. Respect my beliefs just like I respect yours.

Let’s just say I consider myself to be an unprejudiced and impartial person, but there are certain matters where I’m as dogmatic and immovable as your great grandmother. And this is one of them.

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To me, sex and virginity is overrated in the modern context. Nevertheless, they are still sacred and highly valued. However, to shun someone for losing their virginity is both stupid and immature.

Virginity is the expression of innocence whilst Sex is that of a coming to knowledge. However, in itself, sex is pure and sacrosanct. Many have defined sex as the “ultimate expression of love”. It places 2 people in a union so inextricably linked that it is unexplainable. This, I believe to be true. It is probably possible to love many people in one’s lifetime, but marrying your spouse should signal a dead end in your ‘experimental’ love life as you focus your attention on him/her 110%. This naturally includes exclusive sex. Now, love NOT equals sex. Also notice I said spouse and not boyfriend/girlfriend.

Losing your virginity to the man/woman you love is a joy, because you give of your all. Sex is the highest price your body can pay. Therefore, sex comes with undivided and unconditional commitment. If you lose your sanctity to someone who absconds the next day, you might feel “used”. And quite frankly, I believe this doesn’t feel good at all. In order to avoid hurting yourself/other party, you should give your body to your partner only when commitment is 100% in place. This means exercising self control until marriage. Or if you can’t wait for sex, then get married first so your conscience is clear.

There are instances where once one party loses his/her virginity, they no longer care who they sleep with. The price of chastity is devalued and once lofty standards drop. Simply put, once you lose it, you can no longer be bothered. It hits hard the first time. Therefore, for maximum satisfaction, ideally, your first sex partner should also be your last.

So this sounds all conservative, naïve and unfeasible. But it has happened throughout history and will continue to happen. If our forefathers didn’t make the mistake of adultery and the resulting debauchery, then why should we? Times have changed? People have become more open-minded? Throw out as many excuses as you want and say what you wish but convince yourself first because I doubt you believe it deep down. There’s always the argument that you had sex “at the heat of moment”. Ask yourself if that’s a legal argument. In court, can you kill somebody and say you did it “at the heat of the moment”? It just displays how weak the human mind is and how it yieldingly lets itself be given into wantonness and immorality. Strengthening one’s resolve takes time, effort and pain just like how going to the gym builds muscles.

The temptation might be hard to cope with, but I personally know couples who have been together for 8-10 years beginning when they were teenagers. But maintaining chastity this has never been a problem. In contrast, there are those who lose their virginity a few minutes after meeting up which is totally mind boggling.

Of course, you might say this is a Christian thing. But you know, it isn’t. This is how the human body is wired. You cannot lose your virginity without thinking twice or having your conscience severely probed. At the very best, a brave, defiant stance is all you cling on to as insecurity mounts within.

It doesn’t take a Christian to identify sex as the “main event in life”. Sex has always been likened to a sense of immense fulfilment and satisfaction. This is how phrases like “Scoring goals feels even better than sex” come about. Sex is the core difference between a mere relationship and marriage. I reiterate that sex and commitment go hand in hand. No commitment and sex should never be an issue. This works both ways. As the male/female, if you aren’t and worst still, know you aren’t committed, don’t do it. Just don’t do it. It’s such a lack of dignity and integrity. You can always walk for your partner’s good. If you really, really care for your partner, walk away. Even if they want it, walk away because they will thank you later when they sober up. Don’t hurt them by playing along just for your personal gain. Never seek pleasure at someone else’s expense. It is despicable. Postpone it. If you really can’t help it, then commit into marriage.

You probably will have noticed I have quoted no part of Scripture so far and quite simply, there is no need to. I have purely stated logic and systematic argument. Sex and virginity is fundamental. If you let your instinct guide you, you can’t go wrong. But suppress that little voice called conscience, and it will gnaw at you forever.

For the hardcore among you, here is evidence from the Word:

‘For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ – Ephesians 5v31

Can’t be anymore obvious can it?

I don’t intend to upset anyone but I trust this is useful to all, and Cass in particular. My dear little girl, you’re only 16, remember the Lord when you’re young and filled with vigour and energy, before work sets in, you get married, have to worry about children and whether you have the finances to send them to university etc. Because before you know it, you will be 70 and death will knock on your door, then it might be too late. Time and tide wait for no man.

Written in Love, yours truly.