Do Singaporean Women expect too much?

Looking at Sunday’s headlines, I can’t quite help stifling a snigger. This isn’t the first time it has been mentioned mind you – the clichéd stereotypes no doubt penned by a frustrated Singaporean male, with a severely bruised ego. Yes, Valentine’s Day was just around the corner. Possibly the poor guy got bitch-slapped or emasculated. He describes the typical Singaporean woman as demanding, high maintenance, overly well-educated, sharp-tongued, oppressive and so on. Well in that case, having been in past relationships with a few, I must be doing pretty well myself. Yes, I’m the mama’s boy that flirts like nobody’s business.

Apparently, Singaporean women expect their male counterparts to:

1. Pay on dates
2. Open doors for them
3. Send them home after a date
4. Initiate celebrations (after remembering dates) on special occasions
5. Dress up for special occasions, and
6. Carry their handbag

If you’re 20 and above, straight, male and reading this and you haven’t done ANY of these, can I suggest you simply kill yourself by flushing yourself down the toilet bowl or jumping off a 40 storey building (Singapore is WELL equipped).

So what does the future hold for you if you come to me and say “Jon, all these 6 things, I’ve done since young.”? Well, that’s good for you, you’ll quite likely end up with a girl. Yes, heard of Singaporean men purchasing wives from Vietnam, China etc.? But it’s still rather improbable that you’ll land a Singaporean woman. Let me explain why.

The six criteria that you see are basic, fundamental pointers as to how men should treat women. This is mere courtesy, indispensable and requisite. You can’t bring a woman out without at least doing one of them. And I’ll go on to add that (to a certain extent), you should treat ALL women like that. Of course not the paying bits and dressing up (errr…). Singaporean women are a different breed altogether, especially the high brow ones who think they’re tai tais. They’re well educated, affluent and consequently sexy. What’s worse (personally I think, better) is that they KNOW it. Moreover, due to the wonderful effects of globalisation, Singaporean men are now having to compete with men from all over the world (Americans, Australians and other ang mohs). Rather than standing up to the challenge, Singaporean men falter and wilt. They say cannot lah, he so tall, so handsome, down there also damn tua (big), how to fight? Then they start to have embarrassing affairs with their helpless and hapless maids. Therefore, to help populate our small nation with authentic Singaporeans, we must ask ourselves what makes ang moh men more attractive?

Genetically, Asian men don’t have much hope as far as height, hairiness, and length of rifle is concerned. Notice I use we from now on instead of “Singaporean men.” We don’t even have deep set eyes, sharp noses or blond hair. But what we do have is a sense of identity and of common upbringing. We are able to understand each other, culturally and even historically. We share similar experiences in school and in our interpersonal relationships with the people around us. This, my friends is something intangible that foreigners lack. Ever heard a Singaporean girl with an ang moh guy? You cringe when you hear her trying to imitate his accent. The reason is always I’m speaking like that if not he won’t understand me. And why not vice versa may I ask? The “Singaporeaness” that we all share is sufficient for men and women to form decent (not mind-blowing or anything) relationships. I agree that Singaporean men can be obnoxious at times – they dress like crap, smell like shit, speak like retards and have rubbish manners. And this (which are the 6 criteria for getting ANY woman), YOU MEN WILL HAVE TO WORK ON.

For those of you who have surpassed the 6 criteria (unfortunately this doesn’t include the author of the newspaper article), you have to work on the intangible. What the hell do I mean? It’s all too abstract you say. Yes, it is. But here’s where the fun really starts. Quoting from a classic:

L is for the way you look at me,
O is for the only one I see,
V is very, very extraordinary,
E is even more than anyone that you adore

Do you see the 6 criteria here? Hell no! Singaporean women have surpassed the basic 6 and are now looking for the intangible. These are qualities that are both inherent and further developed through experience and everyday interaction. Common intangible qualities are a good sense of humour, a confident man with a good career path, a kind hearted man and so on. These are actually things that can be worked upon, and run far deeper that the 6 criteria, which all a sudden seems rather shallow now, don’t they? For instance, I practice getting the “look” right in the mirror every morning. I’d say a phrase and then try to look the phrase. It saves you saying something generic like “Oh you look marvellous tonight” which might come across as insincere.

To conclude, ALL girls (not limited to Singaporean) look for something unique in their man. Something that sets him apart from the others, and by this I don’t mean exceptionally rude or exceptionally flatulent. I think most men try too hard, or don’t try at all, and that’s why they fail. Women don’t like doormats, but they don’t take to scrooges too kindly either. Women love bad boys, but you’ve got to know your limit. Men, find a way to titillate them and you’ll even have them paying for your drinks.

And let me know if you want to see the “look”.