Have you ever looked at a picture and wondered “How the hell did I even love that person?” or “My goodness, she’s so ugly”??
I know it’s not the most edifying thought. In fact, it is a tad mean. Hell, it is VERY mean. I don’t get it. Love at its best “covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4v13) At its worst, it’s paranoid. I can like someone who treats me likes dirt, yet hate the one who has been by my side for such a long time.
As it is, I stumbled upon my ex’s picture on the internet. A whole album full of pictures. Initially, I was interested, having not seen her for quite some time. Mousing over the thumbnails, I scouted for the most attractive picture of her. I was so wrong. I felt nothing but bitter disgust when the full picture appeared. I scowled to myself. I snorted. I rolled my eyeballs. I swore. I felt so stupid. How could I have ever liked her?? In truth, how could I ever like anyone at this stage?
The heinously murderous “L” word - love. I used it today incidentally. On Felicity. But it’s true. I love her. I really do. Not in that way of course. But in all sincerity and seriousness of a good friend. What Jean said today is true… you should not use the “L” word loosely. Last night, I said “I Love You” as well. To God - when I was walking home at 1am in the cold. I looked up to heaven and said “I Love you God. Thank you for everything in my life”.
I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I should be concentrating on my work. But it’s just so immensely pressing – the sickening feeling of seeing someone you were once intimate with. And it was a photograph. Imagine if I saw her in real life, I don’t know what I would do.
Oh God! Help me love the people around me. Help me, God! :(
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6 comments:
i understand how you feel, to a certain extent i think.. haha when i think back to all my crushes when i was younger.. but i guess that's part of life! it all seemed fine back then didn't it!
personally i think we should be willing to say to people that we love them. but when we do that we must make sure we mean it first... and sometimes it can be said too often to the point that it loses its meaning, and that we have to guard against.
hahaha maybe one day kat will say that about me.. =p eyer so ugly
kat - definitely!! I think the "L" word is used much too loosely nowadays. I'm guilty of that as well. :( It's slightly different from crushes though simply because of the level of intimacy. You know, the more you go thru together, the worse it gets, so does the subsequently rebounding of emotions.
ym - don't say that!! c'mon!!! But I don't think she's that mean anyway. haha :D
heh heh heh! =p
now you know how I felt when I found my ex's friendster page =P
I don't mean to be mean but when no ones around all I could do was look up and say "God, how young was I again?"
I try to not use the L word unless I mean it, or if I'm joking with Meng =)
hmm strangely enough I never felt the whole "folly of youth" thing. I wasn't that young.. probably 18. Okay, that's pretty young. LOL. I agree tho, one should NEVER use the "L" word flippantly, either you mean it ,or you don't use it.
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