Crunch Time

It was me versus her one on one.

She asked me out.

G: So what do you of us being together?
J: No, not much.
G: Ever crossed your mind?
J: Yes, for a fleeting moment I admit. A few years ago.
G: Why? I was already attached.
J: I think you know me better. I don’t care for boyfriends, so long as you’re not married, I stand a chance. Oh wait, married women aren’t exactly safe either. Haha…
G: So if I asked you out you would say no?
J: Yes.

Long pause. I could tell she was visibly affected.

J: I’m sorry. I have my reasons.
G: It’s M right?

J: Not really. Partly right though.
G: No its her. I know its her.
J: Suit yourself. I’m cool.
G: Why? What has she done for you?
J: Nothing. I don’t wish to compare either. I’ve known you for 6 years but I’ve known her for a much shorter time.
G: Then what do you want Jon?
J: Nothing.
G: Not even her?

J: Yes, her. I want her. Only I’ve got priorities in my life right now. The most important of course is to get a good degree. I need someone who compliments me, who keeps me going – firing on all cylinders. I need someone who understands I cannot be with her 24-7. She has to be mature and independent and learn to trust me.
G: So is M like that?
J: Yes, I reckon so. We have our priorities right. That’s a good thing. No pressure.
G: So why couldn’t I do that?
J: You could I guess. If this happened 6 months ago, you would be in my arms by now. I’m not after the hanky panky, lets-just-go-to-the-pictures-and-have-a-good-time relationship. I guess it cuts deeper now.
G: Why?
J: Because 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have bothered. You not a bad looking lady. Haha…
G: How about now?
J: It’s different. There’re too many distractions. I would rather commit myself to someone exclusively, confident that we both love each other. Then we could both pursue our aspirations and encourage each other. I am somewhat career orientated though I’m not fanatical or anything. It’s just that at this very point of time, I would prefer no complications. I don’t want to get distracted. It’s either her, or no one else I’m afraid.
G: And that woman is M?
J: Yes. Very much so.
G: You want her long term?
J: Yes, of course.
G: But you’ve only known her for such a short time!
J: True. All the better. Familiarity breeds contempt. It’s a bit of a risk but that’s me. The element of surprise/risk is a good thing.
G: Okay, I understand.
J: Good. I’m sorry. It’s hard to explain sometimes.
G: No I get it.

Pause.

G: I’m just envious.
J: Of? M?
G: Yea. You’re not always this committed.
J: That’s true. But I have been committed before, Circumstances, and how people change. You know. It scares me sometimes. I probably tend to follow my brain more than my heart. I guess that’s the reason. If something isn’t possible, why start? Then again, if it is feasible, why should it end? I don’t know, things don’t make sense at all sometimes. It starts weird but could end wonderfully. Don’t we all chase this “could” bit of happiness??

You see, G and I have always had something between us. I see it as the slightly flirtatious nature of the both of us. But when it came down to crunch time, I was just glad I was true to myself. The temptation is always there. It’s not as if G had 3 eyes and 1 boob. She is perfectly normal. And she’s beautiful.

"All people are equal, but some people are more equal than others."

– adaptation of George Orwell