How to know who to marry - Jon's take

This is for Mus… regarding marriage. I understand that I’m no marriage counsellor, but you’ve asked me for my take. And this is what I feel, aged 21. My stand might change, depending on circumstances, partner etc. but for now, it’s accurate.

How will I know I’ve met the person I should marry?

1. Does this person share your faith in God? This is fundamental and should be basis of your relationship even before marriage comes into the picture. “Do not be unequally yoked”. Do not enter a relationship trying to convert the other person, because more than likely, you will lose your faith. As future parents, your job is to get your children to heaven, and this is hard if only one parent believes.

2. The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on “I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we are together and I want to have that feeling forever, so let’s go get married”. NO.

Feelings have no logic on their own whatsoever. While they are to be acknowledged, they also need considerable assistance from your brain.

3. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Unless you know you’re going to die in 2 weeks time, it is a very long time to spend with ONE person. This person will live with you, eat with you, sleep with you and so on. More importantly, this person will share your children.

Again, this decision cannot be made on feelings alone. Ask yourself some tough questions. This decision has to be made on solid considerations.

4. Will she be a good partner? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will simply because children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up most of their parents’ character traits. Therefore, you better love your spouse’s traits a lot because you will be seeing a lot of them in your children.

5. If something were to happen to you, can you completely trust this person with the task of raising your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is important nonetheless. Not all of us die at a ripe old age with grandchildren surrounding our beds. Small children ask millions of questions a day and these answers go a long way toward what kind of adults they become. Who will be answering these questions?

6. Does this person have sexual self control? It may seem frivolous and strange why I bring up this point. But a lot of single people have the misconception that marriage is a lifelong sexual adventure and so long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. NO!!! There are many times in marriage where one partner or the other is unavailable for sex (illness, pregnancy, travel etc.) Prostitution destroys families.

They are occasions where spouses get on each other’s nerves. At times like these, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because they are plenty of attractive people willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want to marry someone who has never said “no” to sex? If he/she has never said it at 18, I don’t think it will be different at 40. Do you want to worry whether your spouse is faithful when he/she has had multiple sex partners before?

I believe that these are some important pointers for me at least. If I cannot address/feel comfortable with all the answers, I will definitely not marry the person.

Of course, this is not to discount the role of feelings in a marriage. You don’t say “Well, I suppose you’d make a good parent/spouse, so even though I don’t particularly like you I guess I’ll marry you”. You need to be happy and excited about the person you’re going to spend your whole life with. Your brain must also acknowledge that this person is a good choice.

Don’t listen to your heart alone or to your head alone. Wait until your heart and your head agrees.

Hope this was of use to you (and everyone else who reads it).