dooo

I am bitterly disappointed by what happened last night. Not so much the outcome which I had placed little hope on, but rather the indecent lack of respect shown. Yes, you get it. Jon is hurt, albeit temporarily. I feel no tinge of sadness nor anger/regret whatsoever. Contrary to belief, I don’t look for romance or sex. I value chastity immensely, not obsessively, though I view it as a good judge of self control and dignity. Call me conservative, I’m a chink after all. Despite dating a rather large number of individuals, I have only ever identified what I wanted, perfecting the wholesome duet has been much harder. And I’m not sure I ever want that. People who know me better would testify to that. No, wait, victims can testify to that.

At certain points in time, I had my doubts about why the hell I would want to tie myself down, but I tried hard to overcome them. To varying degrees of success of course. It hurts more to have to hear it than dishing it out doesn’t? I might have actually done so on more than one occasion myself, rather than wait for it. No, this isn’t my saving grace. I don’t need that thank you very much. Looking back, I find it hard to say I gave it my all. But then again, maybe it’s because I read the signs. My signs, her signs, and then eventually it became something waiting to happen. I have absolutely no pent-up bad feelings for her. I mean it when I say that. I still care for her a great deal and she will remain a good friend.

However, I move to the more disturbing part. I find that saying “you never know what might happen in the future” is complete bull. I apologize for the harshness but it’s simply a nicer way to say no. I said it and received in 2 days, so that makes my life interesting doesn’t? But that said, I somehow still do believe that given time, something might materialise. I contradict myself now. *shrug* But when I’m 23 or 24, I might want something different. I have strange leaps in taste. *nods knowingly*

There are a section of you who doubted me from the start and well congratulations you beat me. For now. But “you never know what might happen in the future” eh? Haha Mock me, go on.

Nope, retail therapy doesn’t work. I spent $xxx on these today.











Sad reprieve eh? Sorry my little fellas, but you didn’t make me much happier. Then I irrationally bought a shirt for $290. K was telling how insane I was and she forced me to return it. I had a difficult time doing so since I had already left the shop, but thankfully with her charm, I ended up a bit richer. I also ditched the Italian bastard of a client this morning. Let’s just say I lack commitment and I say this with an astringent, sardonic sneer.

For strange reasons, I received many invites from parties overseas and locally. At least 3 today from somewhat distant friends. It sounds interesting enough. A closed door party at my friend’s yacht. Invite only. I should do something, it’s Saturday, I go to find another of her, if that’s even possible of course.